Understanding
by TogetherForever1
Summary: Aizen once said, "Admiration is the furthest thing from understanding." Those words haunted Hitsugaya for a long time. This is how they changed him.


A.N.-I got this prompt from the Prompt Exchange Challenge. It is a forum that Unattainable Dreams created. You should check it out. The prompt is, "Admiration is the furthest thing from understanding." –Sosuke Aizen from Bleach.

I went through this and fixed a few errors that I noticed after I originally updated this.

I don't own Bleach or its characters.

Understanding

Hitsugaya couldn't get what Aizen said out of his head. _"Admiration is the furthest thing from understanding." _Personally, he thought he was wrong. Love was further. While Hinamori adored Aizen, her love was her true downfall. That was what killed. That she loved a man so much, but he would never love her. Her heart was crushed. That was the true reason he sat in an uncomfortable Fourth Division chair. He understood and he definitely did not admire her.

Once upon a time, he thought he loved Hinamori, but once he became a captain he realized that he never truly did. He wanted to love her when he was young, but he could never bring himself to love her in that way. He loved the idea of loving her and that is why he didn't understand it for the longest time. He didn't understand that he truly loved Matsumoto and that he could never love Hinamori like that. She was his Bed-Wetter Momo. A childhood friend. A memory already gone. His past. Not his present or his future. Matsumoto filled those rolls with so much love and longing that he couldn't believe he didn't see it before.

After one week of visiting Hinamori in the hospital, he stopped. Hitsugaya needed to leave his past behind. He was done with it following him everywhere he went. He was finally ready to fully step into his present and his future. He loved and admired it with his whole heart. He didn't think he would ever understand it. Not that he wanted to, anyways. He was simply happy to be there. To be a part of Matsumoto's present and her future.

(A.N.-This next part is later on in Hitsugaya's life)

Even years after the Winter War, Hitsugaya would dream of those words. He pondered them. He tried to forget them. He tried to prove they were true. Hitsugaya did everything he could think of. On one particular night, he finally talked to Matsumoto about it. She said she thought that was a load of crap. Matsumoto told Hitsugaya that Aizen was a stupid idiot who was so caught up in trying to be a god that he didn't realize the truth.

Hitsugaya would always remember her final words on the subject. Matsumoto said, "There are two things that are farther from understanding. Love is most definitely the farthest. Assuming things about the world comes in a close second, though. Aizen assumed that us shinigami were weak. He assumed that we could never stand together and beat him. Aizen didn't understand that some people were so hell bent on protecting others that he underestimated us. The thing that really caused his downfall was his love of power, though. He loved it so much that he didn't understand that power could destroy its wielder just as easily as its wielder's enemies. So forget what he said. It doesn't matter anymore."

As much as Hitsugaya wanted to listen to Matsumoto and forget, he knew that he wouldn't. He may not have been able to forget what Aizen said, but he focused on other things. Slowly, oh so slowly, those words drifted to the back of his mind. They would always be there, but he had accepted them. Hitsugaya wouldn't let them get to him anymore.

Why would he? They were just a few words an idiot said. They weren't even true. Hitsugaya made it a point to tell his division their fatal flaws. He said that not understanding the world was one of them, but it was okay not to understand. It was okay not to understand something you love. As long as it wasn't power.

The tenth division had a great many victories that year and in the years to come. They were criticized for loving as they did. For letting a silly emotion like love influence how they worked. Emotions weren't supposed to be involved in a shinigami's life. Nobody cared what anyone said about them, though. Their love made them stronger. They never understood everything, but there was a benefit to that. It was all thanks to a sociopath that haunted Hitsugaya with a few words. With a sentence. The tenth was happy for their captain being told that, though. It helped him to loosen up and it helped him to become stronger.

_Yes_, Hitsugaya thought, all those years later. _Aizen was_ _never right. Love is even further from understanding than admiration. It's worth it, though. I would rather love and die than understand and live._

"_Admiration is the furthest thing from understanding."_ That was what Aizen had said. Those were the words that changed Hitsugaya's life more than anything else. It changed him for the better. In the end, he was glad that those words were the ones that haunted him. Everything else Aizen had ever said was just as much a lie, but none of them would ever benefit him like those seven did.


End file.
